What Do You Get an Asshole Who Has Everything?

A Cheeky Holiday Gift Guide for the People Who Are “A Lot”

We all know this person. Yes… you do.

The one who has the newest gadgets before they even hit the shelves.
The one who buys “the best” of everything… even when nobody asked.
The one who somehow turns a simple thank you text into a performance review.

It might be your sibling.
It might be your friend.
It might be your coworker who thinks they’re the Beyonce of the office… but with way less charm.
It might even be your partner… don’t worry, this is a safe space.

And around the holidays, they suddenly become impossible. Why…?
Because they already have everything. Every nice thing. Every upgraded thing. Every shiny thing.

So the question shows up again- What do you get an asshole who has everything?

Easy.
You get them something for the one thing they definitely don’t have the “luxury version” of… their actual ass.

And Butt Champagne is the only gift bold enough to care for their cheeks… even if their attitude still needs work.

Who Counts as “An Asshole Who Has Everything”?

You Know Exactly Who We Mean

Let’s define this character a little more.. just for fun-

· The perfectionist who nitpicks every gift like it’s their job.

· The luxury-lover who already has all the “fancy” stuff.

· The sarcastic sibling who cracks a joke before they even unwrap.

· The bossy friend who “upgrades” every present you buy them.

· The co-worker who expects something thoughtful but gives you a $5 coffee card in return.

They’re not evil. Honestly, some of them are lovable. They’re just… a lot.

The kind of person who sends a text that says, “Thanks for the gift! Next time maybe try the 2024 version, haha.”

So now YOU are stuck in the gifting struggle-
You want something memorable.
You want something that actually lands.
You want something that says- I see you. I get you. And I’m sending your ego straight to the bathroom.

But what if instead of going bigger… you went smarter, more intimate and way more unexpected?

The Problem with Gifting People Who Already Have “Nice Things”

They Don’t Need More Stuff. They Need Better Standards.

Every year it’s the same loop-

· Another candle.

· Another bottle of wine.

· Another luxury lotion.

· Another gift card because “I didn’t know what to get you.”

But this type of person? They’ve seen ALL OF IT.

They can buy any of this for themselves.. probably at a discount, because they know a guy. So your gift blends into a pile of other boring, usual gifts. And honestly.. you deserve better than a meh.

People who have everything don’t need more clutter. What they actually need is something that upgrades their day in a way they NEVER saw coming.

And what part of their life is almost always ignored? Their butt.
Their daily butt care.
Their personal hygiene routine that they pretend is perfect (it’s not). The one place they still use dry toilet paper and pure denial.

So let’s upgrade THAT.

The Truth Everyone Ignores- Even Assholes Deserve a Clean, Comfortable Butt

You Can Hate Their Vibe and Still Respect Their Cheeks

Here’s the simple truth nobody says out loud- No matter how dramatic or annoying they are…they still go to the bathroom like the rest of us.

They still wipe. They still deal with sweat, irritation and “please don’t walk in after me” moments.
Their cheeks still struggle after long days of sitting, sweating or eating suspicious office chili.

We all pretend our butts are doing fine with dry toilet paper and wishful thinking. Spoiler… our butts are not fine.

This is where the emotional logic shows up… you don’t have to love every part of someone’s personality to want their body to feel good.

Gifting comfort, confidence and butt cleanliness? That’s elite-level kindness.

And that’s exactly the energy of Butt Champagne.

It’s not just a gift., it’s a statement - I care for you!

Butt Champagne- The Pettiest, Sweetest, Most Genius Gift You Can Give

 

The Only Bottle That Actually Improves Their Ass

Butt Champagne is a velvety, naturally-made foam that turns basic toilet paper into a gentle, effective butt cleanser. It’s everything their cheeks didn’t know they needed.

Here’s what it actually does:

· Cleans better than dry toilet paper like… actually cleans.

· Helps reduce irritation from daily wiping.

· Works for sweat, odor and that “still not clean” feeling.

· Feels soft, light and kinda luxurious… even if their personality is not.

Why it’s perfect for an asshole who has everything-

· They absolutely don’t own this already.

· It’s funny AND genuinely helpful.

· It’s intimate without being weird.

· It shows you’ve put more thought into their butt than they ever have.

Brand voice moment-
Cleans you where nature split you… even if your attitude still needs work.

Their phone is smart.
Their home is smart.
But their butt routine?
Yeah… it’s time to upgrade that too.

How to Gift Butt Champagne Without Causing a Family Argument

Delivering Butt Care with Maximum Style, Minimum Drama

Here’s how to give it depending on the person-

For Close Friends or Siblings

Add a cute, slightly savage note-

· For my favorite asshole. Your cheeks deserved better.

· You’re a lot. But your butt shouldn’t suffer for it.

They’ll read the name out loud first with a confused eyebrow raise.
Then comes curiosity.
Then the giggle.
Then the “wait… what IS this?” moment.
Then the real thank-you later… after they try it.
And then?
They remember YOU every single time they go.

(You’re welcome.)

For Your Partner

Go sweet and flirty-

· “Because I love every part of you. Yes… that one too.”

For In-Laws, Bossy Relatives or That One Difficult Someone

Keep it classy and safe-

· Pair it with a towel or candle.

· Add a gentle note: “For elevating the everyday. Even the parts we don’t talk about.”

And remember… If someone has ZERO sense of humor, maybe stick to a candle.
But honestly, you deserve the laugh… so gift it to yourself instead.

Who Else Deserves Butt Champagne? (Spoiler: It’s Not Just the Assholes)

Sure, it’s a great gift for the difficult ones… but it’s also perfect for-

· The stressed parent or caregiver who never gets a break

· The wellness-obsessed friend

· The coworker who loves luxury but never buys practical luxury

· The partner who likes nice things but never upgrades their daily hygiene routine

You might start by buying it as a joke…then realize your own butt deserves this level of happiness too.

Because yes… the ass is the foundation of every human.
Some people just need the reminder wrapped with a bow.

So what do you get an asshole who has everything?

You get them the one gift that takes care of the part of them they and everyone else ignore- their butt.

If you’re tired of gifting boring, forgettable stuff… it’s time to shop where it really matters - the rear end.

Grab Butt Champagne.
Wrap it.
Write the cheeky note.
And enjoy the moment you officially become the most memorable gifter in their life… from the bottom up.